queens_of_adventurefandomcom-20200213-history
B002 Hang Ten
Hang Ten is the second released bonus episode for financial backers of Queens of Adventure. It is a live show featuring the core Seattle cast and was recorded at Timbe Room. The show sees Booty and the Hofish hunting for a legendary drag treasure to save a beach. Synopsis The four queens of Booty and the Hofish have been hired to perform at the Surf Queens Memorial Weenie Roast. As they finish their headlining performance, a bugbear in a floral bathing suit joins them center stage. He asks them to introduce themselves. Harlotte tells of her past and twirls her three foot ponytail. Butylene demonstrates her dance moves. As Fraya discusses her goddess, Cher, music begins playing around her and she conjures light. Arson secrets into the universe her desire for a spit roast at the fair, and demos her pact weapon vibrator. The Bugbear reminds everyone of the legend of the surf queens. Centuries ago the Great Surf Queens searched the world for a place to call home. They found it here, and partied for years until the Yacht Club drove the party away. The Surf Queens resisted and the Yacht Club was defeated, relinquishing a driftwood sculpture of a poodle on a surfboard, their mascot. This concert and weenie roast happens annually to remember them. The queens head to a booth where they have volunteered to make s'mores for the attendees. As they work, the bugbear sighs that he wanted to book the queens for a month, but the beach was just sold to Humphrey Silvercheeks. As the name is said, a oily man in a pair of white trousers and a blue polo arrives, flanked by five musclemen bodyguards. Humphrey insults everyone and announces his plan to build a new yacht club. He steals a s'more from a kid as he leaves. Harlotte uses her mage hand to give the kid a new one while Fraya reads Humprhrey. Arson casts prestidigitation ''to soil his pants. The bugbear worries they made a powerful enemy before explaining they tried to make the beach a historical landmark, but couldn't find evidence of the surf queen legend. The only clue is a bikini passed down in his family through the generations he shows them. Fraya traces chocolate to connect the polka-dots on it, revealing a phrase in draglish, telling worthy queens to seek their treasure with the magic phrase: Wiped Out, Waxed, and Ready to Party. There is also a map to the shrubs of cruising. It is just before noon, and they know there will be a final party at midnight before the sale is finalized. The bugbear will distract Humphrey so the queens can search. The group locates the shrubs, pruned back since their hey day. They feel a tingle in the air and as soon as Harlotte says the magic phrase, a portal appears in a shrub and pulls the queens inside. They land in a stone room with a sandy floor. There are three frescoes, two dark, one lit with torches. It depicts a muscular drag queen, covered in fur and a gold bikini doing a handstand on a surfboard. A shroud of darkness covers the other two, impenetrable by Butylene's dark vision and Fraya's lit up breast. Test of the Mind A Magic Mouth spell activates on the first panel, describing the bugbear Spikefang standing up for everyone's right to party at the beach. It's written beneath the fresco except the word bugbear, which Butylene writes in. Below the fresco, a healing potion emerges from a slot. The shroud dispels over the second panel of the fresco. An avian queen flies over a longboard. The Magic Mouth describes Wormswallow, whose songs rallied people. Harlotte calls upon the spirits in order to write 'aarakocra' in the missing legend. Another slot reveals a ring of protection. The last panel shows a hunched queen on a mechanical surfboard, and the lore explains how the prize was hidden after the battle thanks to the crafty Clinkbanger, and the queens must write in the word 'svirfneblin'. Fraya writes it, also getting help from the spirits, and receives a bottle. She opens it and a geyser of water sprays out. It's a ''decanter of endless water. The lips appear in another piece of the wall, commending the queens, and a door opens. As they pass through it, the door slams shut. Test of Bravery The new room is filled with sarcophagi shaped like figures holding surfboards. At the end of the room is another door. A triangular shape moves through the sand covered floor. Arson touches the shape, and it drops below the sand before a clockwork shark leaps into the air. Fraya decanters fifteen gallons of water into the shark's mouth and freezes them, before running behind the automaton. Butylene hurls a bomb, which bounces around the room, before exploding against the shark. The fire melts the ice but doesn't do much damage. It reacts, emitting an oily black liquid in front of it, hitting everyone but Fraya. The floor is slippery, but all keep their feet. The shark cuts through the oily sand and flails and bites at Butylene, barely missing. Harlotte warns them to not light the oil on fire, she flanks the beast and sneak attacks, she slips in the oil and lands on her tailbone after striking. Arson performs poison spray, ''from between her legs. The shark coughs and sinks below the sand. Another magic mouth congrats them on their bravery. Test of Glamour The queens step through the stone doorway and it slams behind them. There is a narrow wooden walkway over a pit. A rainbow colored vessel appears beside them. The magic mouth announces this will be the test of glamour. The vessel contains items beloved of the Surf Queens. The party adorn themselves with items before catwalking to the other side of the room and through the next door. Shrine They enter another chamber, with a shrine covered in offerings in a pool of light. Fraya casts ''light on her nether regions and casts find object to try to locate her lost virginity to offer. The lips say how impressed they are, then admit they've been holding onto a secret. If they listen, the lips will open the inner sanctum. The queens realize the lips are a jungle red. Arson suggests the lips try a new color. Fraya wipes off the lip with a makeup remover wipe and offers a nice mauve shade. After the makeover, the lips recite a long stream of gossip about Robert, Roger, and Richard in a tongue twister. The queens run with the story for a bit until the lips grow angry and ask them questions to confirm they were listening. Mostly satisfied, the shrine slides away, revealing the final chamber. Three sarcophagi are in this small room. Their tops are carved in the shapes of a bugbear, aarakocra, and svirfneblin. A beam of light shines through the ceiling onto a pedestal holding a carved peace of driftwood in the shape of a poodle riding a surfboard. Fraya touches Clinkbanger's sarcophagus and asks if she can open it. No response comes, so she shoves it open. An acrid cloud deals poison damage to Fraya. The queens vaguely recognize the sculpture of the poodle might be the mascot the queens won in the legend. Arson touches it and a wave of energy washes over them, depositing them back in the middle of the weenie roast with the statue. The bugbear emcee stares at them wish shock. "I don't believe it! You found the legendary Sandy Pooch!" He says it is the proof the beach party people need to declare this place a historic landmark. Sandy Pooch "Bloody Mary on the Poopdeck!" Humphrey, in a fresh suit, shows up. He reveals he wanted them to find the sculpture, as his ancestors used its powers to try and get rid of the freaks. He summons 'Sandy', a golem made of sand, rock, and shells. The crowd flees, and Humphrey hides in the chaos. "Let's Go Girls," Fraya says. She opens up her decanter and sprays the golem with water, pushing it back a few feet. Fraya runs behind the golem, followed by Harlotte who uses mage hand to pinch a bit of sand, a component of her sleep spell, but it fails to work on the golem. The monster mocks the party. The people of the beach have all gone into the ocean to get away. The waves begin to churn. The monster raises its fists to slam them against Fraya and Harlotte and tells them no one wants them here and they will be forgotten. They resist his attempts to scare them. Arson, invoking her patron, attacks with pact weapon vibrator shaking loose a lot of sand. Butylene dashes forward and casts arms of the void, ''as she mocks the creature. From out at the sea, the waves rise into columns that take on familiar forms of hundreds of surfing drag queens. Leading them are the shapes of a bugbear, aarakocra, and svirfneblin. The watery bug bear says "A new wave of queens have risen," and encourages the girls to ignore the hateful attitude of the monster and show it you don't care. A song erupts, uniting party and party people in singing. The power overwhelms the sand creature who decides to ignore its purpose of scaring people off, and joins in the revelry. From amidst the crowd, a halfling in a suit and tie approaches. He admires the gorgeous show, and explains he is a surveyor from the local Historical Society. He slaps a giant 'Historical' sticker to the beach. Fraya changes it to 'herstorical'. Humphrey rages impudently. Fraya dumps water on him. The bugbear emcee brings a pail of treasure to hire them for a monthly gig. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drow warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPcs * Bugbear Host (debut) * Humphrey Silvercheeks (debut) * Humphrey's bodyguards (debut) * Magic Mouth * Surf Queens (debut) ** Spikefang ** Wormswallow ** Clinkbanger (renamed Queensimodo) * Surveyor from the Historical Society (debut) Monsters/Enemies * Clockwork Shark * Sandy Live Show Roles * DM Matt * Dice Boy Bolt * DJ Robosex Homosex Episode Notes Lore * Centuries ago, the legendary Surf Queens came to this beach to make it their homes. After years of partying, the Yacht Club tried to take it away. The queens triumphed and took the enchanted poodle sculpture the Yacht Club used against them. They left clues to where their vault was hidden in the hopes of worthy queens finding it in the future. Inspiration Earned * Harlotte - twirling her ponytail. * Butylene - for knowing she's carrying * Fraya - using ''dancing lights * Arson - using her pact weapon. * Arson - for soiling Humprey's clothes * Fraya - lighting up her breast with light * DM Matt - lost one for his unintentional 'rack up' pun * Arson - Suggesting a Magic Mouth makeover * Fraya - Carrying out the Magic Mouth makeover * Arson - Pandering Mrs. Weasley reference Memorable Quotes * "If I had a higher strength I might lift off the ground." - Harlotte O'Scara * "I like to throw acid in the face of my enemies, but I'm really nice." - Butylene O'Kipple * "I come from a far off place that I can't necessarily remember the name of because I drink a lot of... water." - Fraya Love * "A few things about me: I like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, and escaping the underdark where I am from." - Arson Nicki * "I just put my lips on and I'm not even mad about it because it's S'Mores." - Fraya Love * "I'm not chaotic evil anymore, I promise." - Harlotte O'Scara * "Listen here, dipping sauce man. I don't go over to your corner and slap the dicks out of your mouth. What the hell's wrong with you?" - Fraya Love * "She's got one really big bulgy eye and she's squinting out of the other one like she's judging you. She's wearing a beautiful fur cap on her hump, just the hump, and then a sequined tasstly bikini." - Fraya Love (describing her redubbed 'Quensimodo') * "How fast does it eject?" - "Standard Geyser Speed?" - Fraya and DM Matt * "I'm sick of going home with bombs in my pocket, so I'm just gonna throw a bomb at this thing. Ya know, it's like come on. It's like a drink ticket at the end of the night. It doesn't do me no good." - Butylene O'Kipple * "Oh my damage is psychological." - Butylene O'Kipple * "I'm gonna make a passive aggressive facebook status about all of this. 'If you're a mechanical shark do not come for me today because I have already had it." - Arson Nicki * "Hashtag: Waiting for him to get the towel but then you hear his car." - Fraya Love * "Can I offer up my virginity to the offering table? I don't know where it is, or where exactly I lost it, but I can offer it." - Fraya Love * "Richard and Robert went to the low self-esteam-works." - Harlotte O'Scara * "I mean they're still dead but I'd still like to ask for consent." - Arson Nicki * "Necromance isn't dead." - Butylene O'Kipple * "I don't speak white people!" - Fraya Love * "I have never recalled anyone! I've never recalled..." "You can't even recall the start of that sentence." - Fraya Love and DM Matt * "This is no time to fall apart! It's Pride time. I need to spend time with my sisters." - Butylene O'Kipple References * Cher * Monique Hart's "Brown Cow Stunning" * Shady Rattlesnake noise from Drag Race (which DJ Robosex Homosex begins to use throughout) * Ursula from Little Mermaid's "Body Language" line * Helvetica -a drag queen * Rocky Horror Picture Show and audience interactive props * Tim Curry * Monster Rancher * Nuva ring * Quasimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame) * Regis and Kelly * Final Fantasy VIII - Procession of Witches * Fallout * "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" * Oprah Winfrey's "You Get a Car" moment and the "Bees!" meme * Tomb Raider - Lara Croft's short shorts and triangular rendered breasts * Chamber of Secrets * Mighty Morphin Power Rangers * Jem and the Holograms "Showtime Synergy" * Dune * Samantha Jones from Sex and the City * Mrs Weasley's "Not My Daughter You Bitch!" * Sailor Moon * Jessica Tandy * TLC * Golden Girls * You Can't Do That on Television Name That Tune * (Opening Lip Synch) * "Whip My Hair" - Willow Smith * "If I Could Turn Back Time" - Cher * "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" - Rupert Holmes * "Love Shack" - B-52s (Tin Roof reference) * "Bug A Boo" - Destiny's Child * "Science Fiction Double Feature" and "Over at the Frankenstein Place" - Rocky Horror Picture Show * "Touch It" - Monifah * "This Is A Song for the Lonely" - Cher * "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" - Shania Twain * "Shake It Off" - Taylor Swift * "Waterfalls" - TLC * "I Love It" - Icona Pop (finale lip synch) Behind the Queens * In the intro to the episode, DM Matt explains this episode is outside of the canon, but if folks really wanted to place it, it could take place before the queens left for Fire Island. This would place it between the last two episodes of Season Zero: The Frozen Feast and The Final Voyage of the Salty Starfish. However, this only works if the ending narration of Frozen Feast, where the queens spent the two days between episodes at the Crystal Palace is ignored. So if you want it to be canon, or if you don't, you're covered. * This episode takes inspiration from the Surf Movies of the 1960s. * Harlotte references her mage hand being called Jessica Tandy, which comes from a podcast episode not yet released when this live show was recorded, nor when the episode was released. * The Magic Mouth's gossip was originally planned for the Tea Room in the Halloween Show: "The Mystery of LaBouche Gardens". However, Harlotte stole the item that was going to be the prize for the challenge before the gossip could be given. * The swimsuit Arson wore was given to her by Londyn Bradshaw. Category:Episodes Category:Bonus Episodes Category:Live Shows